More Than a Memory
by Cykotyks
Summary: So don't close the door on what still can be, 'cause you're so much more than a memory... [OneShot] [SongFic] [DeathFic] [RenjiIchigo]


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Bleach or _More Than a Memory_ by Hoobastank  
**Summary**: So don't close the door on what still can be, 'cause you're so much more than a memory...  
**Warning**: Character Death, Angst, RenIchi (oh please, like that's a surprise...)  
**Note**: I swear to God I'm not a naturally emo person x.x But I hear songs like this and it's like "Hey! Death!fic time!" e.e Yeah. I'm calling them death!fics. I think I'll start a series... And then start a C2 and then EVAREEBUDEE will write death!fics :D Okay, I'm done. On with the emo. (Hey - at least it's not The Rasmus again XD)

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More Than a Memory

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It started with a fight. Not the bloody, sword-drawn battles they had been so frequently thrust into these past few months. The cruel, jealousy-riddled hostilities they had long since thought were over. 

_I've become tired of wasting my time,_

Renji stifled a groan as he turned over in the empty bed. Ichigo had been too pissed at him to even come back home. The redhead supposed he deserved it. His over-indulgent behavior in his younger years was something any committed lover had a right to be wary of.

_Thinkin' 'bout choices that I've made,_

_But…_ he thought, _it's been years since any of that…_ He sighed. There was a full twenty-year gap between his last fuck with…whoever, and his first time with Ichigo. But that wasn't, of course, counting the random fondles, fingers, frotts, and fellatios.

'_Cause I can't move forward while looking behind,_

_Okay, fine! I'm a fucking whore – happy now?!_ he growled to himself before hot tears stung his eyes. The truth hurts – stings like a bitch when admitted to yourself.

_The only thing I can do now is change the way…that I used to be…_

He loved the little idiot – there was no two ways about that. There were so many other guys and girls and so many other emotions, but Ichigo was so completely different from all of that. It had to be love. He knew a lot of things, but Ichigo was something wholly unexplainable. That was the only thing he'd never felt – not like this.

'_Cause now it seems…crystal clear to me…_

He pulled himself from the bed. He had to find Ichigo and make it up to him – _somehow_ make things right again. He couldn't just let this go. He couldn't let _him_ go. There had to be something he could still do to prove to Ichigo that he was still loyal.

'_Cause you're so much more than a memory…  
Yes, you're so much more than a memory…_

Ichigo sat in the window seat of Shuuhei's house, unable to sleep. He hadn't really meant to end up at the lieutenant's door, but he didn't really know where else to go. He had just left without a word – confused and hurt more than angry.

_It wasn't fair for me just to go,_

"Aa – if you're gonna stay up, at least look alive," Shuuhei said, holding a steaming cup in front of him.

He gingerly took the cup in both hands. "Domo," he said softly, staring down into the murky contents. Good tea wasn't high on Shuuhei's priorities.

"You know he loves you, right? He's never been with anybody for as long as he's managed to stay with you."

_And act like I knew what you've been through,_

He nodded. "It's just… Why would he…?"

"Old habits die hard. You know that he and Rukia were real close, right? When Kuchiki got adopted, all ties were severed. He got left alone again and he just did what any other good-looking guy with a sex drive's gonna do in that situation."

'_Cause I wasn't there and I'll never know._

He winced – that was right. Renji had been abandoned in Rukongai, and abandoned again in the Academy. It made sense, but…

The alarm went off, startling both of them. Another Hollow Squadron attack, now requesting backup for the fifth and sixth divisions from the third and ninth.

_Couldn't see from your point of view, but I'm…doin' all I can…_

He and Shuuhei grabbed their respective Zanpakutou and ran out the door.

"Go find Renji," Shuuhei said.

"But—"

"Go! I'll take care of everything!"

_For you to see…that I understand…_

He closed his eyes and reached out for the spirit threads around him. Out of a sea of red ribbons, he found the one he needed, took hold of it as his eyes snapped open, determined, and darted off in the direction of his lover. Shuuhei had made a silent point – neither he nor Renji would be able to stay focused if they didn't make up for the time being. They would put themselves that much closer to death.

_That I understand you're so much more than a memory…  
Yes, you're so much more than a memory…_

Ichigo suddenly went cold as Renji's spirit force just disappeared. He put on another burst of speed and finally spotted the shock of red hair.

Surrounded by a pool of red blood.

"RENJI!" Ichigo screamed in a panic, recklessly diving down to him.

The Hollow nearby screeched for attention, as if appalled that the Shinigami would ignore it. Ichigo wordlessly released his bankai and killed the annoying thing within the moment before he landed at Renji's side.

"Ren…! Renji – you're okay. Please say you're okay…" he said helplessly, dropping to his knees. He pulled the bloody redhead into his lap, doing his best to thread his reiatsu in with what little spark Renji had left.

_So don't close the door…on what still can be…_  
'_Cause you're so much more than a memory…_

"I…chi…?" Renji croaked out.

Ichigo let the tears fall freely as he gave a weak smile. "I'm right here, Ren. Please, please, just hang on, okay? Just…just shut up and hang on 'cause I swear to God if you die I'll never forgive you," he babbled, his voice shaking.

_Please don't go…'cause I finally know…that the past is gone.  
I know that I was wrong.  
I was wrong._

Renji was able to pull a tiny smile. "Baka…" he said softly.

"Sh-shut up, Renji!" Ichigo pleaded. He didn't want to hear how weak Renji's voice was. It said too many things he couldn't think about for fear of breaking down.

_You're so much more than a memory…  
Yes, you're so much more than a memory…  
So don't close the door…on what still can be…_  
'_Cause you're so much more than a memory…_

Renji opened his mouth to speak again, but, at a loss for words, Ichigo kissed him to keep him from saying anything.

"Oh God, Ren – I'm so sorry," he squeaked out against his lips, hiccupping on a sob. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," he repeated softly, hugging him close.

_Please don't go…'cause I finally know…that the past is gone.  
I know that I was wrong.  
I was wrong._

"What for?" Renji growled out softly, weakly nuzzling at Ichigo's neck.

"I didn't… I'm sorry. I'm sorry – I won't leave you again, I promise, okay? Just…just don't…don't you dare leave me, either, Renji, or I swear I'll never ever forgive you for as long as I live."

"I'd never leave ya, Ichii…"

_You're so much more than a memory…  
Yes, you're so much more than a memory…  
So don't close the door…on what still can be…_  
'_Cause you're so much more than a memory…_

Ichigo looked him in the eyes, his own still spilling over with shameless tears. "Promise…you won't ever leave me, Renji…"

"I promise," he replied, letting his eyes close.

The boy frowned as he felt Renji's reiatsu slip just a little further away.

_Please don't go…'cause I finally know…that the past is gone.  
I know that I was wrong…_

"Renji…!" Ichigo sobbed. "Please don't go…!"

"…ain't goin' anywhere, stupid… Gonna stay right here with you…'cause I love you…" Renji said softly, his body relaxing in Ichigo's arms.

"Renji…" He choked on a sob as he felt the last of Renji's reiatsu slip away from his own. "Renji…!!"

_Please don't go…!_  
'_Cause I finally know…that the past is gone.  
I know that I was wrong._

Through his tear-blurred vision, Ichigo could still see the black markings spiral up his arms…

_I was wrong…!_

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_**- - - - - - - - - - - - -** _

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Song Title and Lyrics: Hoobastank "More Than a Memory"

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See? Ichigo's not the only killable one. I can kill off Renji, too.

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Learn new words! 

Frott: frotting - basically, dry humping XD ("frottage" should be in a normal dictionary)  
Fellatio: blow job


End file.
